Rejection
by Song of Nephilim
Summary: Takuya loves Kouji. But how far is Takuya willing to go to make Kouji love him?
1. The Truth

_**Rejection**_

**A/N:** This one is for my best friend Silver.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that has anything to do with digimon.

_**Chapter One**_

_**The Truth**_

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I sat on the park bench, sitting, waiting. I was no longer aware of the time just that I was waiting, waiting for him. Out of the early morning mist I could make out a shape ever moving forward towards me. I stood up. I wanted to run and embrace him, tell him my true feelings…but I had to wait, be calm, patient.

"Takuya you wanted to meet me?" the words that came out of his mouth were like a beautiful song, a song of life and love.

"Yeah…Kouji…" my voice was caught in my throat, how could I tell him, what if he didn't feel the same way? What if he didn't want to be friends after he knew? How could I deal with living without him?

"What cat got your tongue?" I laughed uneasily. If only I could tell him. How wonderful it would feel to get this burden off my chest and know he would be mine forever.

"Kouji…I…I…love…you…" I couldn't believe I had finally said that. I stood there pale as a ghost as I saw his reaction. His eyes widened in shock, his mouth dropped open, this wasn't what he was expecting, but then again I was unpredictable.

"Takuya…I…" he stopped talking. Looked down and shook his head. Was this rejection? The dark haired beauty looked at me, he was searching my eyes looking for any glint that this was a joke, I wish it could be but this was serious I loved him. Time seemed to stop all around us. I ran into his chest, his warm, firm, chest.

"Takuya please," I heard him sigh.

"Kouji you don't understand! I know it's wrong but I love you! I always have and I always will"

"The thing is I love you too though Takuya" I looked up into his icy blue eyes and saw warmth. He wrapped him arms around me, embracing me, holding me. I sighed happily, this is where I belonged. I no longer cared who saw us, all I cared was that he loved me and I loved him. I broke the embrace and we stood there staring into each other's eyes, the wind circled around us making his dark hair wave. Our faces were inches away. I wanted desperately to kiss him, show him that this was real. Our lips brushedagainst each othersbut Kouji pulled away and turned around. He started walking away.

"Kouji…" what he said next I wish I hadn't heard. The words stung me like a thousand hornets.

"Takuya, no matter how much you or I want this to last we both know it can't…if or parents found out…if our friends found out…" he had stopped walking but refused to face me.

"I don't care what they think!" I shouted. I wasn't going to let them tell us it was wrong! I ran to him and grabbed his hand forcing him to face me. I saw a tear fall down his cheek; I saw the pain in his eyes.

"Takuya please…" he looked at me. I felt my heart crack… I felt it break in two I knew he was as serious as he could be…but why?

"Why?" I let the tears fall freely down my face, I didn't care if he thought I was a weakling, I just wanted to cry, I just wanted to be with him.

"Because, one day too soon, I will lose you Takuya, and I don't think I could handle losing you…" he tugged his hand away and turned around. I watched him as he walked away. I fell on my knees the early morning dew soaked the legs of my pants. No. No, no. So this is what it felt like to be heartbroken?

"Isn't it better to love than never love at all?" I cried out weakly from the ground. Kouji stopped once more. His fist clenched and unclenched.

"Perhaps"

**To Be Continued…**

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This ones for you Silver. I changed the title formerly called Forbidden Love. Anyways read and review. 


	2. The Need for Revenge

**_Rejection_**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that has anything to do with digimon got it?

**A/N:** Okay this chapter is like uuubbbeeeeerrrr short and I am sorry. I promise the next one will be longer, but I had to make it this short to leave it at a (sort of) cliffy. This ending enables me to take the next part where I want it to go…and let me tell you I have ideas. 

_**Chapter Two**_

_**Revengeful Thoughts**_

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School. I dreaded it now, I used to love it, love seeing Kouji's smiling face. Sneaking him loving glances that he took as friendly. Though now, now he would know that these looks were of lust and longing. As I walked down the long hallway I searched for him, I let my eyes wander to every persons face in the hall but he was not to be seen. I slowly retrieved my books from my locker. I slowly walked to math. I tried to find Kouji all day but to no avail. I slightly wondered if he was thinking of me, but then maybe he wasn't. I didn't see Kouji till the end of the day. I told myself when I saw him I'd convince him that we should be together, that we were meant, if he didn't believe me I'd _make_ him believe. But I didn't get that chance. That is until the end of the day. I dragged my feet slowly down the hall; this whole day had seemed to go in slow motion. The halls had been cleared long ago I was among the last in the school. I walked the long way to my locker so I could walk past his. I wasn't expecting him to be there but to my surprise he was. 

"Kouji? Why are you still here?" I asked concerned.

"Takuya…please…" He seemed to already know what I was going to talk about, it looked like he hoped that I was just going to forget everything that had happened and we could just be friends again…yeah right.

"Kouji…I wanted to talk about this morning, I think you should reconsider. It doesn't matter what other people say as long as I love you and you love me" I moved close to Kouji, smelling his clean smell and listening to his steady heartbeat. Kouji took a step back and looked toward the ground, then started fiddling with his hands.

"Listen Takuya…I don't…I wasn't…. I didn't…Takuya mornings do strange things to me…" he trailed off before looking up at me with hopeful eyes. He couldn't be saying what I think he is saying could he?

"Kouji…" his name came out like a low growl, when I heard a door.

"Hey guys…" Izumi gave a friendly wave as she walked out of the washroom but seeing the tension between us she slowly stopped.

"Yeah so anyways…see you guys later" she let out a little phony smile and started walking away.

"Wait Izumi…" Kouji took a deep breath as Izumi turned around. "So I'm picking you up at five for our date right?"

"WHAT!" Izumi and I both gasped astonished. What was he talking about? Was Izumi the reason he didn't want to go out with me? There was another woman?

"Kouji what…?" Izumi let out a small gasp when Kouji grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the lockers.

"Let me remind you then" Kouji said as he and Izumi shared a passionate kiss. I first felt remorse and grief, then slowly those feelings turned to anger, then rage and finally something I had never felt before…_the need for revenge._

**To Be Continued…**

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I told you it was short didn't I? Next chapter will be longer please read and review. 


	3. False Intentions

**_Rejection _**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything that has anything to do with digimon.

**A/N**: Well well well we meet again. I wonder what Takuya's done. He seemed mighty mad at Izumi didn't he? _((italics are flashbacks))_

**_Chapter 3_**

_False Intentions_

* * *

We all sat at the hospital. The whole Frontier crew, all waiting for answers. We all sat in a huddle me being farthest from Kouji. Kouji was grieving the most, he had been going out with Izumi for a couple of weeks and they really seemed to like each other's company, and well I couldn't have that could I? The nurse strode out of the doctors office and we all sat up in attention. They for the reason of Izumi's condition out of concern, me, for other reasons. I had never meant to intentionally hurt Izumi, just threaten her. Make her break up with Kouji and then make her drop suggestive hints that Kouji and I would be perfect. Sure I had brought a knife but I never intended on using it.

_"Hey Izumi" I strode up to her. It was the end of the day; she was doing some community work in the schoolyard. Helping clean up the school. I caught her when she was picking up a knocked over trashcan. She looked up and wiped her brow with her wrist._

_"Hey Takuya!" she waved to me._

_"You want some help?" _

_"Sure here's a pair of rubber gloves" she handed me the gloves and I started bending over to pick up some trash._

_"So do you really like Kouji?" I asked inconspicuously. She looked up._

_"Yeah…he's so wonderful and tonight he said he wanted to tell me something really important" I wondered what that could be? Would he tell her that I was gay? Or would he confess his love to her? I spat at the ground. Like he really cared for Izumi. Inside I grew bitterer and bitterer._

_"Hey Takuya, I really do…like…well honestly…" she looked at me with trusting eyes "well I love Kouji Takuya" I couldn't take it. I grabbed Izumi by the arm. I held on to her arm tightly so she had no means of escape. There was NO way she was getting away from me. I pulled her into the school alley and threw her against the wall._

_"Takuya?" she asked timidly fear entered her voice._

_"YOU CAN'T LOVE KOUJI!" I screamed hysterically. No one was on the school property. No one would hear me, or her._

_"Takuya calm down" she put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. _

_"NO" I grabbed her hand and smashed it against the brick wall causing her to give a little whimper._

_"Phone Kouji right now" I said holding my cell phone, "tell him it's over" Izumi grabbed the cell phone and flipped it open. Her eyes were frightened but she remained posed._

_"Hello" she spoke into the phone "I'm sorry Kouji but…" She paused and then looked up at me "HELP!" she yelled into the phone. _

_"What the hell?" I smacked her across the face, causing her to drop the cell phone. _

_"Did you just call the police?" I asked boxing her in._

_"Yes" she stared back at me defiantly "now they're going to know what your doing, Takuya I don't want to make your life harder but you need to calm down" a smile grew on my face. How little Izumi knew. I smirked wildly._

_"I'm afraid that you won't live to tell the tale" Izumi's eyes widened._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I mean that I love Kouji and if you were to tell the school Kouji would hate me. All I want is for Kouji to love me and then you came along you little skank" I socked her in the stomach causing her to fall to her knees. "GET UP" I cried dragging her up and smashing her head against the wall_

_"Takuya I won't tell anyone, just calm down. I'll tell Kouji to reconsider I'll get out of his life and then…" she whimpered._

_"It's too late for that babe, now you know that I love him" _

_"Please…" she didn't know what I was going to do but I could tell she was scared. I looked at the damage I had caused her, a bruise was forming on her arm and on her face where I am slapped her. She clutched her stomach and there was a little blood on the wall where I had smashed her hand against it and an even bigger spot from where I had hit her head against it. I surveyed her face tears stained her graceful face and mascara was running down her cheeks and then it hit me._

_"What have I become?" I asked myself as I backed away from Izumi. I knew I couldn't go on like this, so I'd let her go, she wouldn't say a word and we'd both forget about this. Izumi slowly started walking away from me. I was going to let her go until I heard the sirens and then I remembered that I couldn't let her go. She started running. In one quick movement I pulled out the 9" knife that I had gotten from home and drove it into her back. She let out a cry and fell to the ground._

_"They're over here! Did you hear that?" I heard footsteps. They were probably at the front of the school but I wasn't going to take any chances. I leaned down and whispered to Izumi._

_"Sorry…" and I ran off knife in hand. _

"How can this be possible?" I snapped out of the vision in my mind to see Kouji shaking the nurse hysterically by the shoulder, spitting in her face while talking. I had been reminiscing over what I had that day and had not heard what happened to Izumi! I didn't think now would've been a good time to ask though. They were all in tears. I didn't know if I wanted her dead or alive. Izumi was one of my best friends, if I lost her it would finally hit me of what I've done. But if she lived she would tell the police about me attacking her and worse tell people about me…being gay. I sat and thought for a second. What was the big deal? So what I was gay? So I had a crush on Kouji? What was wrong with me? I've possibly killed one of my best friends over a crush!

_"So you're going to give Kouji up? Going to quit. You sure to love him. I knew you were worthless that's why Kouji doesn't like you…" _an annoying little voice in my head said cackling the sound rebounding in the cavities in my head.

"NO NO NO NO NO! THAT"S NOT TRUE!" I screamed out loud. Everyone's heads turned to me.

"I'm sorry dear but that I the truth" the nurse replied giving me a small sympathetic smile as she walked off to consult a doctor. My friends all started crying again. I wanted to ask if Izumi was all right but I knew they'd think it rude and inconsiderate just after they could've found out Izumi was dead. Our parents made us leave soon. My parents didn't ask questions as to Izumi's condition; I guess they thought it would be too tough to talk about. I wonder what would happen if they knew I possibly killed Izumi? I sat silently in the car and tried to recall if I heard what the doctor said subconsciously. But I didn't, I didn't know if Izumi was dead or alive.

**To Be Continued...**

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Oh that was delightfully exciting! I wonder… does Takuya have it in him to really kill Izumi? Maybe, you'll have to wait to find out. You're probably wondering why Takuya's parents had a 9" knife or even how he got it without them noticing, all will be explained soon. And something of Takuya's went forgotten in this chapter can you figure out what? 


	4. Perfect World

**Rejection**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that has anything to do with digimon. Oh and the poem in the story I wrote by moi self in like 2 min. so Hah!

**A/N:** So you know what Takuya forgot yet? Well never mind you'll know soon enough. I wonder how Takuya and Kouji are doing? I bet Takuya's regretting what he did now.Takuya's a bit OOC but he's depressed what canI say?You know this is kind of fun toturing all the characters. Making them suffer in their own ways…well anyways…enjoy…

**_Chapter 4_**

**_Perfect World_**

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Takuya's POV 

I sat at home. A dull look had begun to occupy my eyes. I no longer even cared about Kouji; my life was truly falling apart. My days consisted of sitting and moping. I guess you could say I watched T.V. too but I wasn't always watching sometimes I'd just sit in front of the TV and think. My parents just left me be now, they tried to comfort me now and then but I just shut them out, I had become dead to the world. I sighed I had been lying on my bed pondering what the point of life really was when there was a knock on my door, I glanced sideways to the door silently cursing the person who wanted to disturb my moping. The door opened a bit letting in the first rays of light I had seen in a few hours, even though it was the middle of the day my lights were off and the curtains closed. The door was open only a crack but the small figure still fit through the door. The raven-haired boy slowly closed the door behind him. I had just enough light to see it was Kouji. He looked as bad as I did. There were huge bags under his eyes, he looked like he had lost a lot of weight too like I.

"Hey…" he said quietly. As he walked closer I could see his eyes were puffy and red probably from lack of sleep and crying.

"You look horrible" Kouji stated plainly.

"You don't look so princess like yourself," I said letting out a dry chuckle. Kouji let out a small smile. It was a pathetic attempt but I was glad I could make him at least smile. Wasn't it my fault that he didn't have Izumi? Oh Izumi, I have come to the conclusion…that I still don't have a conclusion. First I thought for sure she was dead, no hospital visits, but her parents seemed to have disappeared completely. Then there was no funeral…but I still didn't know.

"Do you mind?" Kouji asked softly gesturing to the bed. Letting out a grunt I rolled over and sat up allowing Kouji some space to sit on the bed.

"I can't believe Izumi's gone," Kouji said putting a shaking hand to his forehead.

"So she…is dead?" I asked quietly.

"Ever since she moved to that hospital in Canada, I haven't heard anything. The bastard who stabbed her hit a part of her spine or something and she could she could…" Kouji started sobbing heavily. He leaned in and rested his head on my chest. My heart started beating faster as I wrapped him in an embrace and rested my head on his. We sat like this for a few minutes until I lifted his chin up so I could look into his beautiful eyes. I slowly brought my lips to his and for a few blissful seconds we were caught in a passionate kiss. He didn't try to stop me. Finally I had to pull away for lack of air.

"I'm sorry" Kouji said standing up quickly. "I need to go…" he picked himself up leaving me sitting on the bed, I know now why I can't let Kouji go you see. He needs me. He needs my help. And that day like I had done so many times before I made a promise to myself that I would destroy anyone or anything in the way of Kouji and me being together.

* * *

Kouji's POV 

I walked home slowly kicking small rocks out of my way. His name rebounded through my head. Takuya. I wanted him so bad but yet I couldn't have him. I didn't want to disappoint my family, my father. What would they think? I knew it was foolish… my father probably doesn't even care about me…but he cares about his reputation. I could already imagine it. Mother with the warm smile, Kouichi happy that I made the right choice…and father him glowering plotting a good way to kill me. Oh and my step mom right beside father but staring at me with a triumphant look like… 'Ha Ha I won…now I'll have your father all to myself'.

"Hey Kouji!" my twin Kouichi was sitting on a park bench. His smile was warm and his short hair billowed in the wind under his baseball cap. Many could barely guess we were twins. While we had the same features, I always looked more solemn whilst he always looked so carefree and happy. As I looked up his smile turned to a frown of concern. He stood up and walked toward me.

"Hey you okay?" he asked looking into my eyes. He was searching to see if I was really all right, he could've just looked at my condition but…my brother wanted to really know if it was because of Izumi I was in the state I was. I shut my eyes tight blocking him from my feelings like I had so many others, I wanted him to know about Takuya I wanted him to help me, to comfort me, to tell me I am making the right choice by rejecting Takuya but at the same time I didn't want him to know, I didn't want him to pity me, I just wanted to be brothers.

"Let's sit down" Kouichi said, he led me to a secluded area of the park and we sat under a tree. After a pause Kouichi spoke.

"Did you really love Izumi?" Kouichi voice was soft but prodding at the same time. I closed my eyes and let the shade soak into my skin. The wind lightly ruffled my pony-tailed hair. I had pondered this question many times, and I didn't know the answer. I liked her I knew that much…but the love wasn't pure. The feelings I got around Izumi didn't even begin to compare to the feelings I got around Takuya. I fell silent. Kouichi knew he had hit a soft spot.

"Is there…" he hesitated "someone else?" I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him so bad about Takuya but… something told me I shouldn't. I looked at Kouichi he gave me an encouraging smile, his eyes seemed soft but as I looked deeper into his eyes I saw something else…something not so comforting.

* * *

Tomoko's POV 

Why? Why oh why! Why did I have to have married that insignificant little……………………

"SON OF A BITCH" I yelled through the house. He was always changing plans on me! Leaving me to struggle to find places to leave the kids when we both had to go out of town.

"Mom?" my son Kouichi had just entered the house. I noticed someone else in tow.

"Who's that?" I asked inquisitively.

"Hi mom" my other son Kouji looked up and I let out a horrified gasp. Kouji looked bad, real bad. His eyes were all red and puffy and he was thin, way too thin.

"Kouji!" I rushed over to him and squeezed him tight. He felt so thin in my arms I was scared he might disappear any second.

"What happened?" I asked than instantly regretted it, I knew what happened but I never expected him to look this way… "Never Mind" I quickly added.

"How about we get you something to eat?" I was scared of how thin he had become. Shouldn't Kousei have noticed this? Shouldn't he have done something? I felt like crying for the sake of my little boy. As Kouji and Kouichi followed me to the kitchen a thought occurred. Was this all happening because of Izumi? There had to be other problems… I was making sandwiches for the boys deep in thought when Kouji interrupted my train of thought.

"No turkey please mom"

"Hhhmm?" I stopped. That's right Kouji doesn't like turkey I hadn't been spending that much time with Kouji lately so these things slipped my mind, it also didn't help that Kousei and Satomi were going on a business trip and I was going to a convention. I had made plans for Kouichi to stay with Kousei and then after agreeing he changed the plans suddenly saying he had to go to a very important business meeting and that Satomi was coming. I had asked why Kouji couldn't come to, and possibly even Kouichi, he just answered that he couldn't, neither of them, not even Kouji. I knew Kousei loved the boys but…he had a funny way of showing it. So I was stuck finding places for both boys but luckily Junpei's parents were generous and allowed both boys to stay for the week.

"Boys there's been a change of plans…you're going to be staying at Junpei's" there was a silence than Kouji nodded I looked at Kouichi. His face had clouded.

"Is…Junpei going to be there?" he asked quietly.

"Oh course I thought it would be great if you boys had some company" I smiled but Kouichi didn't return it he seemed disappointed…if anything…angry.

* * *

Izumi's POV 

I sat in my bed. Unable to move. I pondered yet again if this would be the place I remained for the rest of my life. The knife had hit a part of my spine and that I might never be able to walk again, I would live but, well, that's all I knew. I knew my bruises were healing quickly but I couldn't look at them for I couldn't move. I tear slid down my cheek. My sweet Kouji. I wondered how he was fairing. I wondered what he would do if he knew who had done this to me… My parents had asked and prodded me many times if I remembered anything, but each time I said I could hardly remember. But the truth was…I knew. I remembered what had happened clearly, like it was happening again and again. The thought that Takuya had hurt me, hurt more than then my actual wounds. Every night I cried for the same damn thing. Not because of my wounds but that a person I trusted so much would hurt me. But I was going to be faithful. I wouldn't tell my parents who did this for…if Kouji lost Takuya and I…I don't know what would happen to him. I closed my eyes and recited a poem I knew too well by now, one that my parents spoke to me in the long painful nights.

Sleep well for night has come,

Forget your worries and let the night overcome,

Your mind, your pain, your worries and fear,

And let your dreams take you near,

A place where nothing but happiness exists,

Linger there for sometime soon you have to return,

To a place that isn't as perfect, reality.

To a place where pain exists, and fear is a thing,

But till then enjoy this perfect world.

* * *

Takuya's POV 

It had been a few hours since Kouji left.

"TAKUYA we'll be gone for a while so take care of yourself!" I didn't even bother to reply as I heard the door slam. I walked downstairs and sat in front of the TV I actually started watching it this time. There was an add on about knives.

"Oh shit" I ran up the stairs with speed unknown to myself and opened my closet. There lying on the floor covered in pieces of clothes was the knife. It was still stained with blood, as it had been when I brought it in the house. I remembered the laboring task of bringing it in.

_Returning the Knife_

_I had hidden the knife in my shirt careful not to cut myself. I ran around the house to the back door and hid the knife in a bush. I ran back around the house to the front and knocked on our door. I had thought out my plan I knew what I was going to say to get everybody to the front of the house._

_"EVERYBODY TO THE FRONT DOOR THIS IS THE POLICE" I yelled in my deepest voice while pounding on the door. As soon as I heard some scrambling in the house I ran around to the back and grabbed the knife. As soon as I heard the front door open I ran into the house and up the stairs with the knife in hand._

_"Takuya? Takuya is that you upstairs?" I heard my mom calling she sounded a bit annoyed so I guessed she already figured it was me who pulled the police stunt. I pulled off my shirt and wrapped the knife in it. I then grabbed another old shirt that barely fit me and wrapped that around the other shirt and threw it in my closet and shut the door. Suddenly the door burst open and my mom, my angry looking dad and my frightened brother walked into the room._

_"Takuya! What happened!" She screamed pointing at my chest. I looked down; it had been covered in blood from the knife. _

_"Takuya was that you at the door!" my dad spat at me. I turned my attention to my dad. I was lost for words. I could say that some pranksters had done it but I knew right now wouldn't be the best time to use that excuse._

_"Sorry dad" I said giving a huge grin. "I didn't mean to scare you! We were doing drills in school, and I was concerned how my family would re act" I knew it sounded like the dumbest thing in the world but my dad fell for it._

_"Oh…" his voice softened and he ruffled my hair. "You're a good boy" I smiled, if only he knew what I had just done._

_"But that doesn't explain the blood!" my mom said, fear still matted in her voice._

_"When I was running through the back door so you guys wouldn't notice me I slammed my nose on the door. As I ran up to my room I was scared I would start bleeding on the shirt if I got a nose bleed so I had took it off. Just in time too!" I let out a pretend sigh. 'This excuse is lamer than the other one!" I cried in my mind. But my moms face relaxed and she smiled._

_"Okay well…just clean up and come down for some ice cream!" she smiled again. It felt strange as they all left my room. It was like I was being rewarded for possibly murdering Izumi._

As I washed the knife, it was funky seeing the blood drain down the sink. I jumped at every single sound afraid of getting caught. I dried the knife and put it carefully back in the drawer. Why my parents had these knives…I honestly don't know and I really don't want to know. As I shut the door of the drawer the harder task of getting he knife out earlier that day flashed back in my mind.

_Taking the knife_

_I had run home form school as fast as I could to beat my parents home one day. Unfortunately I had no such luck. My mom was bent over weeding the garden._

_"Takuya? Did you just run home?" she turned to me and observed how sweaty I was._

_"Hey mom! What are you doing home so early?" I asked grinning like I was happy._

_"Well I was just doi…" _

_"Hey mom we need some more…tooth paste for an experiment I'm doing at school! I need it like right now so could you know go get some?"_

_"Well…" I started pushing my mom towards the car._

_"Thanks see ya later!" I pushed her in the car and closed the door. I started walking away till I noticed that she hadn't left yet._

_"Mom?" I asked turning to face her._

_"Well honey I'd love to go but…" she shrugged her shoulders "it would help if I had the keys"_

_"Rriiiggghhhttt…hold on!" I ran in the house and returned with the keys._

_"So what kind of tooth paste?" my mom asked as I handed her the keys._

_"ANY KIND!" I was getting frustrated by now. _

_"Okay Okay!" my mom pulled out of the driveway. I let out a deep sigh of relief. _

_"I'm sorry mom…but sometimes you can be a little dense" I muttered to myself "tooth paste?" I asked giving myself a little whack. I walked into the kitchen and pulled open the drawer. I meant to only get like a six" but I heard a car pull up into the driveway. _

_"My humps, my humps, my humps my humps my humps…" _

_"Dad?" _

_"Son!"_

_"Was that just…?"_

_"You heard nothing…"_

_"…"_

_"Go to your room!" my dad suddenly pointed to the stairs._

_"Umm…mom's picking something up for an experiment so I'm waiting for her" lame, lame, and lamer…_

_"Well…I'm going upstairs to watch some TV holler if you need me" my dad walked up the stairs. I sighed again. I slowly opened the drawer when I heard mom's car pull up._

_"God Dammit!" I whispered. I grabbed whatever knife I could and ran out the back door, praying to god they wouldn't notice the absence of the knife._

I sat back down in the kitchen and sighed it was Sunday. Most of the kids close to Izumi hadn't gone to school for the past couple of days. I knew mom would make me go on Monday, most of the other kids had to go too. I sighed and flopped back down in front of the TV all of that moving around had been too much for my weak body and for the first time in a while I slept.

**To Be Continued...**

* * *

Well…well…well…why do I have a bad feeling about the two twins staying a Junpei's? This is certainly becoming a dozy for our characters…My…my…my…I wonder what might possibly happen next. 


	5. jealousy

**_Rejection_**

**Disclaimer:** I do not anything that has anything to do with digimon…man I sound like a broken record…Oh hey heres something different! I don't own Truth or Dare Junega either!...why am I so excited about that?

**A/N:** Well Welcome back. Sorry for taking so long. I ended up going to the states for a five day volleyball camp and yeah. I enjoyed writing this chapter. Hope you enjoy reading. Oh and if you know Junpei's mom's name it would be appreciated. oh and I can't get any damn rulers so I'm using underscores. Enjoy…

_**Chapter 5**_

**_Jealousy_**

Mrs. Shibayama's POV

"So what do you guys want to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?" both boys turned to the Kouji. The boy just shook his head.

"I know! How about you boys go and play a bit of soccer?"

"How about no mom" I gave my son, Junpei, a disappointed look I had hoped that he would suggest good ideas for the boys, especially Kouji, to do. But so far all my son suggested was to eat and watch TV.

"Well than how about you go finish un packing?" I asked hoping to get the boys doing something other than sitting on the couch eating. Junpei was absorbed by the TV and Kouji didn't return my look, but Kouichi turned and smiled.

"That sounds like a great idea Mrs. Shibayama" Kouichi pulled his brother and a grudging Junpei off the couch and they headed upstairs. I was surprised how happy Kouichi seemed even though Izumi's accident had only happened about a week ago, and he seemed to have gotten over it. Junpei moped all day and ate ten peoples worth of food, and Kouji looked devastated but…maybe everybody dealed with things in their own way, so I couldn't really make any judgments.

I thought it would be a good idea that the boys stayed together. I sighed inwardly. I remembered mourning my sister's death. My friends all stayed with me. I hated it, I hated them. I wanted to be alone in my silent vigil. In the end though I was happy that they had been there, for without them I probably wouldn't have made it through some of those horribly long nights. I flicked my head to the door as I heard three quiet knocks, in short repetitions. I walked to the door and pulled it open, there stood a bedraggled Takuya. He looked just as bad if not worse than Kouji.

"Hey Takuya!" I said trying to sound cheerful but even his presence made me want to start crying.

"Hello Mrs. Shibayama is Junpei around?"

"Yes he's just upstairs. Would you like to see him?"

"If that's okay with you."

"Yes that's fine. Actually Kouji and Kouichi are here too" Takuya paused at the base of the stairs and looked up at me.

"Oh well…I don't want to disturb them" he started toward the doors but I grabbed his hand.

"Takuya I'm sure they'll be thrilled to see you!" I lead him up to Junpei's room and stood at the door before knocking.

"MOM! WE DON"T WANT ANYMORE TO EAT RIGHT NOW!" Junpei yelled through the door. I gave Takuya a curt smile before yelling back.

"SON OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT OR I'M SENDING YOUR FRIEND HOME!" Junpei's head popped out of the door with curious eyes.

"Oh hi Takuya!" he said. "You can come right in" He ushered Takuya into the room. I was just about to walk in too when my son closed the door on my face.

"Thanks mom!" he called through the door. I sighed and walked down the stairs.

Takuya's POV

I didn't want to be here. I just wanted to see Junpei, Kouichi was fine, but I didn't want to see Kouji. It would be too awkward, and here I was. Junpei, Kouichi and Kouji. Kouji and I locked eyes but then he turned away.

"So Takuya here to help us unpack?" Kouichi asked giving a mischievous smile.

"Yes that's exactly what I wanted to spend my Monday doing Kouichi!" my sense of humor had dried up with everything that had happened but Junpei found it funny.

"How long are you guys staying?"

"They're staying for a week" Junpei put in before Kouichi or Kouji could answer.

"We should have a sleepover tomorrow night!" Kouichi suggested. I waited for Kouji to object to the idea but he just continued to unpack.

"Great! I'll go tell my mom!" Junpei opened the door and started down the stairs with me calling:

"Ask you mean?" I turned back to Kouichi and Kouji. "Do you guys really need help with that?" I asked. Kouichi smiled.

"No we're fine" I turned to Kouji to find him looking at me but immediately turning away once I looked at him. Kouichi seemed to notice.

"Having a little lovers quarrel you too?"

"NO!" we both retorted looking at Kouichi then realizing a minute too late that Kouichi was joking.

"Okay bite my head off!" Kouichi returned unpacking.

"Mom said it was okay!" Junpei came bounding back into the room.

"Well if you guys don't need any help…I'll be going home then. See you tomorrow at school!" I walked out of the room, I was happy to leave early I was afraid of being around Kouji. As I walked out of the house I was unsure if I was ready for a sleepover in the same house as Kouji, but at the same time…this may be the chance I was waiting for.

Kouji's POV

After we finished unpacking I slipped back downstairs to the kitchen. I watched Mrs. Shibayama bustling around making dinner. I was hypnotized by the pattern like movement she made. It was comforting to just watch her making dinner. It was only one part of her life but it seemed unfair how common it was like, nothing would ever change. I closed my eyes. My life used to be like this. Common, everyday a pattern. Changing slightly everyday…like when she makes different meals. I thought back to the day all this started the thing that triggered the massive changes…the thing that ruined my life. Takuya… Takuya was the one that made the horror start. Confessing his love openly and then I walked away. Takuya wouldn't stop so I made the excuse that I like Izumi…and then…Izumi died. Could…

"OH! You startled me Kouji!" I jumped at the sound of Mrs. Shibayama and the plates as they smashed to the floor. I heard the footsteps of Junpei and Kouichi as they came down to see what had happened.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Shibayama I didn't mean to startle you" I looked down afraid she'd get mad.

"It's okay Kouji! Nothing to fret about! Just go upstairs while I clean up and I'll call you when it's ready!" I rose from my chair and walked upstairs leaving Junpei and Kouichi to look at each other in a confused looks. I went to the bathroom that joined Junpei's room and the guest room together and locked my self in. I had come to discover this was my favorite place in Junpei's house…seeing as it was the only room with a lock. It wouldn't be my favorite room if I knew what was going to happen here tomorrow night.

**Tuesday Night…**

Takuya's POV

"I CALL THAT BED!"

"No that one's mine!"

"You want to bet on it!"

"Bring it on!" I pounced on the raven-haired boy only for him to push me off and pin me down.

"Now I've got you!" Kouichi let out a laugh and started squeezing my shoulders. My mood had improved drastically since the weekend. On Monday night there had been news from Izumi's parents. She was going to be okay! My parents hadn't told me much more just that she might even be able to walk. I had rejoiced over that but I didn't know if Izumi would say anything to her parents. But then again I figured if she were going to she probably already would've done so. That was something I would have to conquer when it came. Right now I had to work on getting Kouichi off me.

"You guys!" Junpei let out an exaggerated sigh and turned back to IMing Tomoki.

"Oh that's starting to hurt!" Normally I probably would've been able to throw Kouichi off but I was still pretty weak.

"Oh really? Is the little baby going to cry?" he squeezed harder making me call out in pain.

"Hey Kouichi?" Kouji voice came from the far side of the room, small and uncertain. With a grunt of effort I flipped Kouichi off me so now I was on top. I looked down, we had been fighting on Junpei's single bed and now we were teetering on the edge, if Kouichi flipped us this way again…

"Kouichi maybe you can settle this another way…" Junpei obviously noticed how close we were too. But Kouichi wouldn't stop; he had a crazed competitive look in his eyes that I had not often seen. With a wince of pain I noticed he still was holding my shoulders.

"Kouichi!" his nails started digging into my shoulders. "Whhhaaaa!" we fell toward the ground my head just missing the bedside table. I heard the thud as my back hit the floor sending shocks through my body. I grunted as I shoved Kouichi off me. Junpei and Kouji rushed over. Kouichi just sat there looking astonished. Kouji knelt down next to us and put a hand on my shoulder. I felt more shocks course through my body but good shocks not painful ones.

'Could this mean he likes me?' I questioned my self mentally.

"Is everything okay up there!" Mrs. Shibayama burst in. She looked at the four of us and frantically Kouji removed his hand.

"Hold on!" we listened as Junpei harassed his mom back down the stairs. After they could no longer be heard I started feeling some anger towards Kouichi.

"What did you think you were doing!" I spat at him coldly. Kouichi seemed to hinder under my cold tone. Even Kouji backed up a bit.

"I'm sorry Takuya…I didn't notice we were so close…"

"But what about my shoulders!" I pulled back my shirt to reveal nail marks embedded in. "that was an accident too right!"

"I'm sorry I just got caught up in the moment" Kouichi looked genuinely sorry and hurt. I sighed.

"It's okay…but I still get the bed" Kouichi's eyes flashed at the prospect of another challenge when Junpei entered the room and added:

"No you won't seeing as that's my bed!" Kouji let out an amused laugh while Kouichi and I just smiled.

"So…it's 11:00p.m. What are we going to do?"

"How about Truth or Dare Jenga!" Junpei's mother stood at the door again. Junpei gave us a look that said 'sorry that my mom is such a loser' and went to speak to her. In the end the four of us were sitting in a square with a tower of colored wooden rectangles stacked in a pile.

"Okay boys. So the point is to take a block from the tower and then place it on top. If the tower falls on your turn then you lose and you keep re building the tower and playing till there is only one person left and that is the winner. Oh and remember the red ones are truth and the black ones are dare." For the first few times we just knocked it over on purpose and Junpei's mom kept rebuilding saying she'd stay till a proper game happened…but that looked like that wasn't happening very soon. Even Kouji was laughing a bit.

"Okay since you boys seem to need an incentive…whoever wins gets…$5.00!" she suggested hopefully. All of us just blinked and stared.

"$5.00 mom?" Junpei asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"Fine $10.00 and…a chocolate bar" we all sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Works for me!" Kouichi broke the silence taking the first block. It was red.

"What does it say?" I asked. Even Kouji looked vaguely interested.

"What's your most embarrassing moment?" we played peacefully each of us taking our turns. Junpei's mom was right it was pretty fun. After a while she left. Junpei picked a block out it was black. Junpei read it and then turned very red in the face. I gave him a questioning look.

"Give the person of your choice a kiss" I could see now why he was blushing so much. I looked at the square we were in. Junpei sat beside Kouichi and Kouji so I was obviously across from him.

"So who will it be?" Kouichi asked. Junpei observed his friends. Kouichi just sat there smiling and I tucked my hair behind my ears and puckered up, Kouji just looked down to the floor.

"Kouji" Junpei said confidently. I stopped kidding around immediately and watched loathingly as Junpei planted a kiss on Kouji. A low growl emitted from my throat.

"Guys…I'm getting bored of this" Kouichi said with dull eyes.

"Yeah me too!" I stood up and yawned accidentally on purpose knocking the jenga tower over. Junpei stood up and walked over to us as Kouji laid down on a sleeping bag.

"Well I'm going to the bathro…" Junpei started onto the bathroom but then "supposedly" tripped on a Jenga piece. It sent him flying to the floor almost on top of Kouji. His arms were the only things that stopped him from totally crushing Kouji. Junpei was overtop of him. Their faces inches apart if Junpei wanted to kiss him all he had to do was move his lips. A deep growl emitted from my throat again, at the moment I wanted to tear Junpei into a thousands pieces. This must be all part of his plan. I thought back. His parents allowing Kouji to stay, Junpei probably had some say in that…he chose to kiss Kouji…and now this! I felt outraged. Kouji was mine…mine and mine alone…

Kouji's POV

Well this was awkward.

"Your breath smells horrible" that made Junpei blush even more than his current state he stood up and I stood up too. Takuya looked as if he was about to explode, and Kouichi looked indifferent.

"What the hell did you do that for!" Takuya asked Junpei poking him in the chest.

"I didn't mean to! I must have tripped over a jenga piece!" Takuya must have been observing the same thing I did. Yes the jenga pieces were all over the floor but not anywhere near where Junpei fell. But I couldn't think of another motive other than wanting to squash me. I looked at Takuya his chest moving heavily.

"Fine…" I watched as Takuya calmed himself.

"So who's sleeping where?" Kouichi asked breaking the silence.

"Well I'm sleeping in my bed! How about Kouji sleeps here on the floor?"

"No I'll sleep here" Kouichi said in answer to Junpei's question " I think Kouji should sleep on the guest bed, he needs his rest" Kouichi gave me a concerned look before turning back to Junpei "so that leaves Takuya…he could sleep in here but I think it would be unfair to leave Kouji alone" Junpei nodded slowly as if he was having problems absorbing everything Kouichi had said. As Takuya moved his sleeping bag to the guest room my heart trilled at the thought of sleeping in the same room as him. I knew Takuya felt awkward after what had happened…but he seemed to have gotten over it, I really think that he would accept being friends.

"So you guys comfortable?" Junpei came in and asked.

"Yes fine" Takuya replied. Everybody played around late into the night. IMing strangers, making prank calls and such. I didn't participate it was just watching them. I looked at Takuya. His face alight with the rebelliousness of doing something they weren't supposed to.

"Well guys! I'm going to bed," Takuya said glancing at the clock.

"Aw! It's only 3:00a.m. Takuya!" Kouichi challenged

"Yeah but if we keep this up we're going to wake Junpei's mom, if we haven't already"

"Point adjourned!" Junpei said pointing to Takuya. "We go to bed!" As we started heading to the separate rooms Takuya stuck his tongue out at Kouichi.

"It would help if Junpei knew what adjourned means!" Kouichi grumbled.

Takuya's POV

Kouji was already lying on his bed when I entered the room.

"Hey…" I said feebly, my heart pounding in my chest. Kouji just looked up and blinked. I walked further in the room closing the door behind me. I looked at Kouji. He was so beautiful… I brought the chair from the desk beside the bed and sat in it. Kouji sat up as well. I started stroking his hair…his soft hair. Kouji grabbed my hand forcing it too stop; with one hand holding mine he used the other to remove the hair tie that bound his hair. I watched in amazement as his black hair went billowing down his shoulders. I had never seen his hair out of a ponytail…and let me tell you it looked amazing. I began stroking his hair again with my other hand. Kouji turned to look at me; I stared into his beautiful blue eyes. We just stared at each other. In his eyes I saw the hurt, the pain and everything that he had ever suffered…how everyone he truly loved had left him. I gave him a kiss on the lips then buried my face in his hair.

"I'll never leave you Kouji…I'll never forget you…because I love you…love you more than anything…" I could fell my eyes start to water as Kouji brought my head up so he could look into my eyes again.

"Takuya…I…" he began but the door opened. We both let out startled gasps as Junpei entered the room. When he saw how close we were he immediately blushed.

"Oh sorry guys…" my eyes burned into Junpei's. He must have been sitting outside the door listening and then he decided that we were getting too close and decided to ruin it.

"What did you want to tell us Junpei?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"I…a…just wanted to make sure you guys were settled and wanted to see if you were sure you wanted to stay in this room instead of joining us…"

"Yes we're sure!" I snapped irritably.

"Okay…and goodnight Kouji…" Junpei stumbled out of the room. My face grew hot. Goodnight Kouji! Who'd he think he is! Junpei must think that he can get Kouji for his own…well he has another thing coming if he…

"Goodnight Takky…" I whipped my head to face Kouji. He never ever called me by that stupid nickname…by the look of it he had already gone into a deep sleep. He looked peaceful, this was the first time I had seen him look peaceful since the incident that happened to Izumi.

"Why'd I do that?" I asked myself softly. I stroked Kouji's hair as I thought. "I'll have to tell Kouji soon…" I went and laid on the sleeping bag and stared at the ceiling. I don't know how long I was like this. Suddenly the door opened a crack. I closed my eyes only opening them a bit. It was Junpei…why that son of a bitch. I watched with growing anger as Junpei went over and sat beside Kouji. He stroked his hair than murmured something I couldn't understand in his ear, than leaned down and gave his forehead a short kiss. I felt like jumping up and beating the crap out of him but I forced myself to stay still. Kouji didn't stir and Junpei left the room closing the door behind him. I sat up and looked at the clock 4:00a.m. I knew I should get to sleep but what I just witnessed made my blood run faster and my heart pump. Junepi liked Kouji…

Junpei's POV

I had wished Kouji well than left the room. The poor guy looked pretty bad but Takuya seemed to make him feel better and I was happy for them. I walked back to my room shutting the door behind me and crawled into bed. I was almost deep into sleep when I heard three quiet knocks, in short repetition.

**To Be Continued...**

Well…three quiet knocks in short repition…doesn't that sound like something we've all heard before? Anyways please review.


	6. Who They Used To Be

**_Rejection_**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that has anything to do with digimon

**AN **:Aha ! Finally Finished ! Muha ! Well I'm sorry this took so long to get up. I had writers block … again. It was hard writing this chapter for numerous reasons but I like the way it turned out. So enjoy and review !

**Warning **: Some Yaoi. A lot of violence though. Not nesaccarily for the faint of heart but I shouldn't be the judge.

**_Chapter 6_**

**_Who They Used To Be_**

* * *

Junpei's POV

With a soft grunt I padded from my bed and answering to the quiet knocks opened the door. There was only darkness to greet me.

"I need more sleep," I muttered to myself and closing the door turned back toward my bed.

"Takuya?!" I asked surprised. Takuya stood in front of my bed glowering.

"Why?!" His voice sounded angry.

"Why, what Takuya?" I tried to remain calm as a thousand questions ran through my head. Why was he here? What did I do? What can I do to fix it? Takuya smiled as if he knew what I was thinking.

"Junpei, Junpei. I always thought you were the one I could trust" Takuya said gaily, childlike. His eyes far away. Then his posture changed. His face darkened "Why do you have to do this to me? He's mine. Go away" he let out a small growl. I looked into his eyes. His goggles had been removed to sleep. Who was he? He couldn't be the Takuya I know or had once known. He looked angry something Takuya couldn't achieve for more than a few minutes. I looked into his eyes; they showed something that I had not seen before either. Behind all the hatred and anger there was hurt, weathered as if he had seen and felt things that a child his age should have never felt.

"Takuya are you okay?" I reached out to him but he pulled away. His eyes darted around the room his confidence wavering. "You want to go downstairs and get something to eat? We can talk about this, sometimes we get a bit overwhelmed with what happened to Izumi and all …" I continued. He stopped his wild scan and looked at me confused then his face fell and he put his head down.

"Oh … Izumi" He looked up at me his eyes glistening. " I did that Junpei. It was me! Can you believe it?! I hurt her …" He said tilting his head and closing his eyes, almost as though he were trying to block out the room. Block out what he felt.

"…Takuya… you … you couldn't have … your just tired and confused and you feel responsible. Takuya you had nothing to do with it" I was shocked that he'd confess to that. It couldn't have been him. Could it?

"It was … and all because…" he paused. I looked up at him. He wasn't the Takuya I had known. Something was wrong. "She liked Kouji," he suddenly sounded childish. "And I like Kouji and he likes me … but he said we couldn't be together…why? Why Junpei?" he looked up at me his eyes confused. He looked at me for what I had always had. Answers. But I was at a loss for words. Takuya had tried to kill Izumi because she liked Kouji…and Kouji liked Takuya, though he didn't want to be with Takuya…this wasn't making any sense. How had his friends priorities get so messed up without him noticing?

"You like him too don't you?" he whispered quietly. I looked up quickly. I thought for a second, searching for the right words.

"Takuya, Kouji's my friend. I would do anything for him. So would you right?" he shook his head vigorously. "Than go to the police and tell them what you did. Tell Kouji what you did. Tell someone who can help. Takuya have you seen what Kouji looks like these days? He's so thin and sickly looking. Look at you! By doing this Takuya, your not just hurting yourself your hurting Kouji as well!" he looked blankly at me. "Takuya, help Kouji, help Izumi, and help yourself." I stopped speaking. There was silence. Takuya's steady gaze bore into my own. "So Takuya, what do you say?" I hoped this would work. I wondered why Kouichi hadn't woken up though; he was sleeping in the same room. I knew Kouji wouldn't, exhausted from everything and my mom had always been a deep sleeper. But why hadn't Kouichi woken up?! Suddenly Takuya's eye took on a new look. His whole face sharpened. His body tensed. So did my own. Fear clutched me, spreading like a chill throughout every bone in my body. He gave me such a look that I knew he was going to try and hurt me. All the hatred all the hurt all the … everything reflected in his eyes. I made one more attempt.

"Takuya, please talk to me! We can get someone to help you! I think I know what might really be wrong…" I was pulling things out of my head randomly trying to calm him down. I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Takuya…" Takuya grabbed my hand and violently chucked it back at me.

"No Junpei, no you have no idea. You have no idea how you hurt me; how I get hurt everyday watching people look at him. How people talk to him. How everyone seems to want his attention. They do nothing, just walk up and start talking! They have his full attention! Do you know how hard I have to work to get his attention?!" I took a step back. But he went on. "I hate seeing him laughing with other people talking to other people that aren't me. Smiling that rare smile that he used to give me. How is it fair? Why can't he just spend time with me? I don't understand" his voice had risen than fallen as he remembered people were sleeping. He put his head down again.

"What? Takuya…" He looked up with that murderous gleam in his eyes.

"No Junpei it's too late for excuses, tonight you will pay the price, and trust me buddy it's not cheap."

* * *

Takuya's POV

I don't know what came over me. Maybe I do. I was angry. I shoved Junpei to the side. And grabbed a broken piece of a protractor off the floor if you don't think they're sharp, break one find out.

"Hey Takuya, was that yours? Did I break it? I can buy you a new one! Don't worry!" I could tell he was trying very hard to stay calm but he wasn't able to.

"Don't worry Junpei. It won't hurt…that much." I ran at him with the broken protractor in hand but he moved away, sending me into the computer desk. I groaned as my stomach hit the corner of the desk.

"Takuya stop!" he said it in an affirmative voice as if he thought he could keep control. He was always so understanding, but no one, no one could understand this. I turned around as he moved toward me with a forced confidence in his stride. "Takuya, calm down. What is it?" I let my tense body relax. I'd let him think what he wanted. He grabbed the protractor from my hand. "See?' he said quietly.

"Yes Junpei I see. But do you?!" I grabbed his shoulders and swung him into the computer desk causing a loud grunt to emit from my friend. I lost it. I went crazy. It was like I left my body and was watching what was happening. I don't know what it was. Looking back I don't know why I couldn't stop myself, but it doesn't matter it still happened. I grabbed the protractor that had been thrown to the floor and sliced through the air catching Junpei's cheek. Warm blood trickled down, bright red. I sliced again but Junpei's hand caught my wrist. I dropped the protractor.

"Takuya stop!" Junpei was bigger than me, stronger. He put his arm around my neck in a headlock I struggled but couldn't get out. I growled and while in his headlock started pulling toward the washroom. I stepped right by the sleeping Kouichi. It seems funny how he didn't seem to hear a thing. I finally pulled out. In my anger I lashed out sending Junpei on the toilet seat. He sat up in surprise as I picked up a razor.

"Takuya! No! Takuya put it down" I kneed his stomach. He rolled off the toilet, groaning as he clutched his stomach. He stood up groggily, I sliced through the air with the razor catching his shoulder, the sharp blade ripping through his shirt and causing more warm blood to flow. I held the razor poised ready to strike but stopped as Junpei stood up unsteadily and looked at me evenly. His eyes portrayed so much. Hurt, anger, betrayal. His eyes right then reminded me of Kouji's. Lost, Forgotten. Junpei's eyes looked so much like his, but so different. I felt a tear slip down my cheek.

"No" I shook my head and wiped the oncoming tears with the sleeve of my shirt. "No".

"Takuya" Junpei stepped to me; I don't think I'll ever understand. I had just tried to murder him and he instantly comes to aid. "Takuya I think its time you go to sleep. You look tired. Takuya please, just go to sleep" he came closer and wrapped his arms around me. I cried steadily.

"Junpei I'm so so sorry" I choked out.

"Takuya it's okay. I understand… well not really" he let out a small chuckle between sobs "but we'll just forgive and forget" I knew he would say that, but he'd tell someone, I knew he would.

"I know Junpei…but that's not what I'm sorry about" I looked up into his eyes. He looked confused than realization donned on him. Quickly the surprise in his eyes turned to pain. I stepped back. The tears streamed down his face as they did mine. The razor was jammed firmly into his stomach.

"Ta…kk…uy…a" his voice quivered. I looked up at him. My eyes peering into his. He fell to his knees then, reaching down to his stomach he felt the handle of the razor. Pulling his hands up to look at them he found them covered with blood. He reached back down to the handle and pulled it out. He convulsed and spit out some blood. He stood up shakily grabbing onto the counter for support. He reached out to me.

"T…t…a….k…u…ya" he grasped with his hands. Looking for someone to help. Looking to me to help. It scared me. It scared me because I couldn't help. I had done this. I let out a shrill shriek, not a very loud one but a shrill one. I shoved him back he hit the side of the shower and fell down grasping the seat of the toilet. I went over to him and dunked his head into the toilet holding it down. I couldn't take his eyes watching me. So betrayed but so understanding. I stood overtop of him holding him down. Suddenly he started kicking, struggling I knew he was losing air. He kicked and kicked. I closed my eyes and whispered more to myself than to Junpei.

"It'll be over soon" when I opened them the struggling had stopped. I stepped back as Junpei's figure fell back a bit exposing his head. Slumped over the toilet his head faced mine. His lifeless eyes wide and scared his mouth closed in a firm line. I stared at his head as my vision started blurring with tears. His cheek started bleeding again. The blood mixing with the water. I fell to my knees and looked at my hands.

"No…not again…"

* * *

Takuya looked at his hands and cried. His sobs shaking his whole body. He didn't understand why he had to keep doing this. Eventually he picked himself from the floor and with his head hung and shoulders heavy shuffled back to Junpei's room. He barely noticed Kouichi sleeping on the floor. Takuya ran his hands across Junpei's possessions, now his parent's possessions. There was no question, Takuya even knew it. Junpei was dead. Takuya had murdered him. He wasn't coming back. Takuya let out a small smile through his tears as his hand ran over a picture of all of them. So happy. Izumi in her beauty the wind blowing her hair her stubbornness all over her face, Tomoki, hand holding his hat, smile wide as ever, Junpei waving and smiling, Takuya goggles and all waving goofily at the camera smiling, even Kouji had a smile planted on his beautiful face…but Kouichi. His smile seemed more distant his eyes seemed attracted to Kouji. Takuya let out another sob. He walked towards Junpei's bed. The sheets all muddled. I climbed in his bed for a second; some warmth was still between the sheets from the brief moments Junpei had been in them. He sat up and walked stiffly into the room he had been sharing with Kouji. He walked up to the bed. Takuya's hand stroked Kouji's head. He looked at him quietly.

"All for you" Takuya whispered than planted a kiss on Kouji's forehead much like Junpei had done earlier that night. Takuya then walked toward his own sleeping bag. Grabbing a new shirt and pants he changed. As he put the old clothes away he regarded the blood that Junpei had left on them. Blood. Junpei's Blood. Even though he had thought it not possible more tears streamed down his face. So much hurt. So much loss. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror on the wall. His eyes red and puffy. His once happy smile lost. His face thin and ragged. Haunted.

"So much has changed" he shook his head and climbed into his bed only to be haunted in his dreams, to be haunted by his secret. But little did he know someone knew that secret. Someone knew all about what Takuya had done. He who knew opened one eye then stood up. Putting on a pair of gloves he had brought for such an occasion he rearranged the evidence moving it slightly. Working quickly for night was scarce. He had barley lain back down when Kouji walked into the room. He stepped over top of him and continued onto the washroom. The boy pretended he was asleep as Kouji turned the handle and stepped into the washroom. His scream of terror pierced through the house, almost loud enough to awake the dead…almost. For alas Junpei did not stir as Takuya came flying in, fake surprise on his face though the horror was real. Junpei's mom running over to her dead son embracing him and rocking him. Her body shaking with sobs. Junpei's dad rushed in and held his wife and son. Whispering words of comfort as tears came down his own cheeks. Kouichi closest to the scene was last to arrive. Kouji was pressed against Takuya's body sobbing. Takuya's arm lay limply around him. Kouichi came and put a hand on Kouji's shoulder and Takuya's. Instantly Takuya's body tensed. He looked to the older brother. The older brother looked back. Then both turned back to Junpei's family, or what was left of it. In the distance an ambulance could be heard. Life can change in a minute, there one and gone the next. It doesn't matter who you are or what you did. You are in danger every second of your life. For once Takuya seemed not to care that Kouji was pressing himself up to him. He had just murdered someone. That someone was a friend. Kouji cared about everything and nothing. He felt empty. He knew this was because of him, but he didn't know what to do. Kouichi looked at their pain, confusion. He nodded and allowed a tear to come down his face. He understood yet he did not. What happened to who they used to be?

**To Be Continued …**

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Well not much to say after that. Thank you for all the support. Oh and reviews do in fact make me go faster.


	7. Unkempt Promises

**_Rejection_**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that has anything to do with Digimon … …

**AN:** Yeah okay. So um … I really don't have much to say, either than I have not been to a funeral myself but my mom has and this is sort of the way they did it.

**Warnings:** Yaoi. That's about it for this one. Don't like, don't read. I don't see the problem ?

**_Chapter 7_**

**_Unkempt Promises_**

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Takuya's POV

I had never been to a funeral before. As I sat quietly in the car fidgeting I promised myself I wouldn't cry, no matter what. It was a promise I couldn't keep. At the beginning of the funeral I stood tall, it was the way Junpei would've wanted it … I think. I was surprised at the turnout, it seemed like most of the school was there. Regret filled me as I thought of all the good Junpei did without me even knowing. The service was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. But that is all I remember, the rest was just a blur. My promise was unkempt here as a lone tear rolled down my cheek. Kouji grabbed my hand at some point. I barley noticed, I barely cared. The questions came flooding back again. Why? Why? Why? WHY?!

"Are you going to see … him?" I looked down startled at Kouji. His beautiful eyes were rimmed with red. I hadn't noticed he was this much shorter than me until now. It must be taking a greater toll on him then I had first thought. Maybe I am just hurting Kouji in the end…

"Yeah" I replied distantly. I stood in the line. I watched as the each person approached the open casket, watched as they said their final goodbyes. I watched their reactions, sadness, misery, and dismay. Tears stained many faces. I felt a few drops of rain on my shoulder and as an immediate reaction looked up. The clouds opened up and the rain fell down. Thankfully the casket had been under a canopy. The parents had insisted it be outside of their house and after the service the family would take the body to be cremated. Many ran for the cover of the house, I stayed where I was, Kouji did as well. I watched stone-faced, trying to regain the prospect of my promise, as Kouji walked up to the casket. He stood close to it as to shield himself from the rain. For many minutes neither of us stirred. I watched his back intently trying to forget everything until I noticed that his back shook a bit with each breath he seemed to take. I took a step closer till I was right behind him, though far enough that I was not under the cover of the medium sized canopy. I barley heard his sobs over the heavy pounding of the rain. I looked away; no one longer remained outside except for us. I took a step closer. Still in the rain but only barely. There were no sounds except for the pounding of the rain, the distant rumble of thunder and Kouji's quiet sobs. Suddenly he turned around and ran into my arms pushing away from the canopy, pushing both of us into the rain. I looked down in surprise as he held my tightly. The situation had changed so much. Weeks before I was the one who clung to him so tightly now he was the one looking for me.

"Please," he said softly "don't let go" his voice was barley audible. I cleared mine and was about to speak when he continued. "Takuya," he looked up at me. There was something about his look something I had never seen. A vulnerability, there was nothing protecting his feelings he was just himself, he was able to get hurt able to feel. "I don't know what's happening. I feel confused, sad, upset, angry, disoriented and many other things but something I feel the most is weak… helpless. I know that my friends are getting hurt because of me. I just don't know why! Or who!" he looked up at me and started trembling his hands gripping my arms. Suddenly his grip started tightening. "And I can't help them! It haunts me in my dreams! Someone who is very close watching over me and then hurting anyone who I trust or get close to! I don't know why!? Are they trying to hurt me? Or in some perverse way do they think they're helping!?" he was yelling at this point. He looked up at me, shaking violently. Then all of a sudden the intensity in his eyes was gone his grip loosened his whole body became limp. "Takuya," he sighed, seemingly exhausted. He fell into my arms. "I feel like you are the only one I can trust now." He brought his lips to mine. I only registered the kiss for a second until I saw something moving in the background. Kouji pulled away and held me tight, I felt my arms wrap around his frail frame but my focus was solely on the open casket in the behind us. I watched in horror as Junpei slowly rose up. He looked vaguely blue, his hair sticking up in various places, held there by blood. He raised a limp finger toward me, the bones sticking out in different directions, and pointed at me. His glazed eyes seemed to focus on me, looking at my soul, burning right through me. His lips were stitched and blood stained his shirtfront. With some difficulty his lips parted as far as they were allowed (due to the stitches) and moved.

"Ta…ak…uy…a" his voice rasped slowly. I felt my eyes widen in horror. "Tell him the…" he spoke with great difficulty but finished what he had started. "Truth"

"Excuse me?" I spun around in anticipation of his body coming to get me but a man in a ball cap stood there instead. He looked at us sternly. A man in his fifties, his moustache was greying and his brown eyes were hardened. His wrinkled mouth was closed tightly as if he was clenching his jaw, his arms were folded. His whole stance seemed to shriek disapproval. But I didn't care. I was just glad it wasn't Junpei's ghost coming to kick my ass.

"We're going to close the casket now. Everyone else is inside. I suggest you do the same. You kids are drenched." He spoke in short matter of a fact sentences. Straight to the point. I didn't know why the features of this guy stood out to me so much. Kouji looked down and blushed.

"Yes I suppose we should," he said quietly. He let a soft sigh escape his lips. "I just… don't know what I'm going to do. Junpei was one of my best friends. I could always talk to him or…" at this he broke off and looked down again.

"All the same." I glanced back at this guy. He seemed so indifferent. "If you have anything to say. Go say it now. I don't like rain that much." I turned away from him and walked toward the casket. Kouji followed closely behind. I was afraid of what I might see. Would it be the Junpei that I had known, or the one that had risen from the casket? Maybe they were one in the same. I hesitated slightly before peeking my head to see the inside of the casket. There lay Junpei. His arms lay at his sides. For one moment I saw the grisly Junpei I had witnessed minutes ago but then he returned to the one I had known all my life. His brows were arced softly, his eyes shut. I almost expected his eyes to flutter open any second. Him to wake up. Shout 'surprise!' and raise his arms up expecting a hug. But standing there a few seconds longer in the rain I knew he would not. Realization hit home again and before I knew what was happening I found myself sprinting away. I heard Kouji calling my name. I could almost see him looking up following me with his eyes. For a fleeting second I thought maybe I should go back. I had promised I wouldn't abandon him. But that thought was gone within a second. I wasn't abandoning him, I was abandoning myself. I rather hoped just to run and never look back. My legs and arms pumped to a silent rhythm. I wanted it to all go away. Everything. All I had done. All that had happened. All that I'll do. I don't know how long I ran, or how far. My mind processed little while I ran. I just ran. Pain started taking over as I pushed my limits. I had always been naturally athletic but there was only so far one can push themselves. I finally stumbled off the path into a field and flopped over on my back. I was in a field of flowers, light blue flowers the colour of the sky. I closed my eyes loving the feeling of the wet grass, and flowers against my skin. Letting it soak in. The fresh smell of the flowers and wet grass enfolded me. I opened my eyes and looked into the sky. The rain had stopped when I had been running but I had not noticed. The sun was beginning to peak out from behind the dark rain clouds. I instantly thought of myself peaking out from a blanket of lies and guilt and telling Kouji the truth. Then I saw the rainbow. There always was one after a storm. I smiled looking at the spectrum of colours. The storm was over; everything was going to be all right. I closed my eyes and drifted off into sleep. Though I did this before a rumble of thunder could be heard, threatening another storm.

**To Be Continued ...**

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Okay well hope you enjoyed. R & R please. "And Join us next time for another exciting instalment of … Rejection" 


	8. Remember Me

**_Rejection_**

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately for me and the rest of the world I don't own Digimon.

**Warnings:** Some mention of Yaoi. Swearing. Blood. Don't like, don't read. I don't see the problem ?

**AN:** Hey guys an update… finally! You know you've been neglected your stories when fanfiction no longer appears on your Internet list! Yay! … This chapter is kind of sad, well for me anyways. I didn't think this chapter would turn out the way it did, but it did. The next chapter will be less depressing like…no matter how it turns out. A great big thanks to everyone whose been reviewing. I love you all!! So anyways read on.

**Chapter 8**

**_Remember Me._**

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Takuya's POV 

I woke up to the glittering moon. I smiled briefly; it felt good for just one second not to think about anything but the soft earth against my back, the stars and the moon above me. The dew and rain from before making my clothes cling to my body. But even I knew it couldn't last. One blink and the events of before came rushing to me like a tidal wave. Junpei's funeral, the man, Kouji. Kouji. I leapt up suddenly. Kouji! How long had it been? Were they looking for me? Where was I? I looked up at the half moon and took a deep breath. Tonight I would tell him. Tell Kouji. I would tell him it was me who was destroying his life. Me who had crippled Izumi, me who had killed Junpei. Me. No matter what time it was, no matter how I looked or how lost I got trying to find my way to him. I would tell Kouji the truth tonight. Just like Junpei wanted. I took a few steps onto the muddy path before glancing back. I had been lying in a field of pale blue flowers; I had left an imprint from where I had fallen asleep. I laughed. The imprint resembled that of an angel. But how, how could it be for all the things I had done? I let the cool air engulf me and took another deep breath and began a slight jog along a beaten path, after a while though I stopped. I walked slower taking in the beauty of the forest, thinking how nice it would be to walk these woods with Kouji. Holding hands, talking about the different flowers, the moon, about possibly adopting kids, about marriage, about our future together. Or maybe just walking silently enjoying, each other's presence. A slight smile crossed my face. I don't know how long I walked. I just kept thinking of him. Thinking of the good things. Walking with him. Talking with him. Being with him. I guess the thoughts of him were like a guiding light as I soon found myself back where I had started…at Junpei's. I ran to the front door, but no lights were on. It occurred to me that all my stuff was still in there. All the horrifying memories. What I had been trying to block out the whole walk came back to me.

_"Takuya! No! Takuya put it down" I kneed his stomach. He rolled off the toilet, groaning as he clutched his stomach. He stood up groggily, I sliced through the air with the razor catching his shoulder, the sharp blade ripping through his shirt and causing more warm blood to flow. I held the razor poised ready to strike but stopped as Junpei stood up unsteadily and looked at me evenly. His eyes portrayed so much. Hurt, anger, betrayal. His eyes right then reminded me of Kouji's. Lost, Forgotten. Junpei's eyes looked so much like his, but so different. I felt a tear slip down my cheek._

I stared up at the house. To the rooms it had happened in. The rooms that I had lost control in. Or maybe I hadn't lost control. Maybe I knew what I was doing the whole time. I wanted to go in but I wasn't ready to face that yet. Not yet. I wondered if I was ready to face Kouji yet. But I knew I had to be. He had a right, a right to know. If I really loved him, I would tell him and nothing but nothing would stop me.

_"No" I shook my head and wiped the oncoming tears with the sleeve of my shirt. "No"._

I started jogging down the street. Trying to keep the tears from rising further, trying to maintain my composure. The night suddenly seemed very cold, colder than I had first recognized. The chill seemed to go right through me.

_Takuya" Junpei stepped to me; I don't think I'll ever understand. I had just tried to murder him and he instantly comes to aid. "Takuya I think its time you go to sleep. You look tired. Takuya please, just go to sleep" he came closer and wrapped his arms around me. I cried steadily._

I shook my head as I ran. The memories were so vivid so clear. A horror repeating in my head over and over and over again.

"_Junpei I'm so so sorry" I choked out._

"Takuya it's okay. I understand… well not really" he let out a small chuckle between sobs "but we'll just forgive and forget" I knew he would say that, but he'd tell someone, I knew he would.

_"I know Junpei…but that's not what I'm sorry about" I looked up into his eyes. He looked confused than realization donned on him. Quickly the surprise in his eyes turned to pain. I stepped back. The tears streamed down his face as they did mine. The razor was jammed firmly into his stomach._

I felt the warm tears begin to flow down my face. The salty taste as they made their way into my mouth. I ran and ran and ran. Trying to shake it off.

_"Ta…kk…uy…a" his voice quivered. I looked up at him. My eyes peering into his. He fell to his knees then, reaching down to his stomach he felt the handle of the razor. Pulling his hands up to look at them he found them covered with blood. He reached back down to the handle and pulled it out. He convulsed and spit out some blood. He stood up shakily grabbing onto the counter for support. He reached out to me._

I saw his hand reaching out to me. Calling for help. I stopped running. I had arrived at Kouji's. No lights stood on. That was okay I needed a few moments. I stood there shaking as more tears came flying down my face. I no longer tried to stop them. I figured I needed to let them come or else they would be stuck inside of me.

_"T…t…a….k…u…ya" he grasped with his hands. Looking for someone to help. Looking to me to help. It scared me. It scared me because I couldn't help. I had done this. I let out a shrill shriek, not a very loud one but a shrill one. I shoved him back he hit the side of the shower and fell down grasping the seat of the toilet. I went over to him and dunked his head into the toilet holding it down. I couldn't take his eyes watching me. So betrayed but so understanding. I stood overtop of him holding him down. Suddenly he started kicking, struggling I knew he was losing air. He kicked and kicked. I closed my eyes and whispered more to myself than to Junpei._

_"It'll be over soon" when I opened them the struggling had stopped._

A light had appeared on overhead. I didn't notice it at first, until I heard a small tap on the window. I jumped up in surprise. Kouji, or maybe it was Kouichi were looking down at me. I only glanced at them for a second, before the lights went out. Though I swear the face wore a small tried smile, a grin. I looked up and got caught up once more in the horror of my thoughts.

_I stepped back as Junpei's figure fell back a bit exposing his head. Slumped over the toilet his head faced mine. His lifeless eyes wide and scared his mouth closed in a firm line. I stared at his head as my vision started blurring with tears. His cheek started bleeding again. The blood mixing with the water. I fell to my knees and looked at my hands._

_"No…not again…"_

"Psstt..Takuya?" I was shaken out of my thoughts as my head snapped back up to the top window.

"K..Kouji?" I wiped my face dry with my sleeve, there was no way he would see me crying, not until I had said what I wanted to, then I would cry. Cry for forgiveness, cry for his love, cry for everything.

"Takuya…I'm sorry no one was waiting for you. I told your parents that you were staying the night here...because you well…ran off and I didn't want them worrying. I think they stayed over at your aunts. I hope you don't mind" he looked down at me. His eyes were red and puffy. I could tell he had been crying recently.

"Yeah thanks Kouji. So what happened after I left?"

"Well…they took the body away to be cremated. Everyone slowly started leaving. That's about it"

"What's being done with the ashes?"

"Well…they're putting up a marker for Junpei and the parents are taking the ashes with them to…where ever they're going. They're getting away from it all, but keeping the house exactly the same, in memory of …Junpei"

"Ah…" I paused it was now... or frankly speaking never. "Kouji…"

"Takuya it's so horrible. His death who could've done such a thing? What stupid person could do it? What stupid non respecting son of a bitch fucker could do this?" I looked up startled. I had seen Kouji mad, but I had never seen him so full of hatred. A hand appeared on Kouji's shoulder.

"Now, now Kouji. Maybe the person had a reason. Maybe Junpei knew something he shouldn't have. Or maybe he was getting in the way, getting to close." It was Kouichi who emerged into the view of the window. He wore a crooked grin on his face. Just looking at their faces it would be hard to guess they were twins anymore. Kouji was thinner; his complexion pale from so many days in his room, his eyes didn't have that sparkle of life. Kouichi on the other hand looked totally unaffected. He looked exactly the same. He didn't look any thinner, he was tan, and the sparkle of life was there as well.

" So what do you think Takuya? Why is this mad hatter going on this tangent?" Kouichi locked his eyes with me as he said that, and in that sudden instant I knew he knew. I knew he knew it was me. That I had killed Junpei, that I had crippled Izumi. He knew. He knew I loved Kouji. He knew everything. My heart started pounding in my chest going 300 miles per hour, pounding trying to escape.

"What do you think Takuya?" I tore my eyes away from Kouichi.

"I…uh….I…Kouji there's something I need…" I paused. Everything played back in my head again. "…to tell you"

"Oh what is that Takuya?" Kouichi asked eagerly. I looked over to him again. A malicious grin was on his face. His eyes were gleaming in the darkness. He was excited. He knew once I said this I would never be able to be with Kouji again. And for reasons unbeknownst to me, he was happy. He knew what I was going to tell him.

"Kouji…I…"

"Kouji?! Kouichi?! Are you still up?! Is everything okay?!" I heard some banging from the other side of the house and their step mom came over to investigate.

"GO! Go Takuya! You can tell me later!" Kouji whispered before running away from the window. Kouichi looked furious at the disturbance. He stared at me for a second before giving an anguished look and turning way from the window. The light quickly flickered out. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity before turning away and walking slowly back home. I didn't run this time, I walked slowly. I didn't think about anything though. I blocked it out of my mind. I just walked absentmindedly. I could've been hit by a car now and I don't think I would have noticed, actually I hoped I would get hit by a car, that would make many things easier. I mean I knew I was going to hell, I probably was before I had hurt Izumi, this just added to it. I wanted to be with Kouji forever, though I knew he would never got to hell, he would live in heaven, internal peace. I don't know how but I arrived at my front door, I found the spare key and silently opened the door and slipped in. I slowly made the climb up the stairs and into my bedroom. I walked across the room, my socked feet making hardly any noise, and plopped on the bed. I took off my socks but didn't have the initiative to take off anything else. Sighing I rubbed my eyes before glancing over at the clock 2:55AM. My eyes wandered from there, to my shelf that held all my pictures, all my memories. I walked over to the shelf and ran my hand along the picture of my soccer team we were all making funny poses; our Sophomore team had been the champions that year … I wonder how they were doing this year I had just stopped going to the practices, I closed my eyes wondering how my fellow players were doing on the varsity team. I opened them again and moved onto the next picture, this one was of the whole gang, and probably the same one that had been in Junpei's room, I moved on quickly not wanting to think about him. A couple family pictures (how much I'll tear them apart when they learn what I've done) and finally a picture of Kouji and I. I stroked the picture image of Kouji. We were both so happy, smiling, laughter in our eyes. Something in the background caught my attention. Kouichi stood back there, his face sullen, resentful. I closed my eyes and all I saw was the malicious look Kouichi had given me. The smile, almost reassuring me that he knew, he knew what I'd done. That dirty son of a bitch he probably likes this, likes watching me squirm. He wants me to fail that dirty motherfuc…

"AHHH!" I let out a cry of anguish and threw the picture frame against a wall. A crunch of wood and the smashing of glass followed. I closed my eyes breathing heavily. I waited for my parents to barge in but they didn't, that's right they weren't home. I let out a deep breathe and walked over to the remains of he picture frame. As I stepped toward it I felt tiny pieces of glass imbed themselves in my foot. Each step caused me to wince. If I did what I was thinking, it wouldn't even matter. Wouldn't matter at all. I grimaced and I reached down and grabbed the picture and a jagged shard of glass. I looked at our smiling faces, who could've thought that this would happen looking at our faces. I, once so healthy, athletic and bubbly, now so pale, hallow looking, as if I was only a shell with nothing inside. Kouji once understanding, strong and independent, had turned lost, anguish filled dependant on others. And it's all my fault.

"_Yeah shitface, you're the reason they all cry themselves to sleep"_ the little voice in my head was right, I hadn't just affected Kouji and myself, I had affected anyone who had ever known Junpei, or Izumi's family. And why? I laughed, a bitter sorrow filled laugh. I asked my self why quite often lately. So I'm going to fix it. I'll make everyone's life better. I crossed to the other side of the room and sat on the cold wooden floor beneath my shelf. I'll make it all go away. I'll make them happy again, they'll forget someday, and it will all stop. I won't have to ask why anymore, I won't have to question my sanity.

_"What about Kouji? You kill for the stupid bitch and then decide he's not worth it? Hypocrite."_

"No, that's not true, I'm doing this so he can be happy, and I'm doing this because I love him"

_"Yeah, sure, you keep telling yourself that. You're just a little wimp, you can't stand the aftermath of what your goddamn raging hormones did so you want to wipe…"_

"Shut up…"

_"You disgust me. You think you're in pain?! Think about Junpei's parents!? What about them?! What about Izumi's parents, their little baby girl will never, EVER walk again. Wasn't she quite talented at volleyball? And Junpei's parents they'll make a big breakfast just for their darling son. They'll wait at the steps to the top floor hand in hand waiting for a groggy Junpei to bound down the stairs. But he'll never come now will he, never. You think YOU'RE in pain?! They don't even get the satisfaction of knowing who his killer was. Or why he did it.. but maybe why isn't important it's just so goddamn pathe…"_

"SHUTUP!!" It stopped. The quite insistent buzzing of his thoughts stopped. _You know you're going off your rocker when you start talking back to your thoughts._ I rested my head against the wall and closed my eyes. The voice inside my head made me think, not much though. I had made up my mind; I knew what I had to do. A couple minutes wouldn't make a difference. I placed the shard of glass to my side, before pulling myself up. I walked over to my computer the pieces of glass poking my feet painfully; I sat down in front of my desk and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. I scribbled furiously for three minutes before sitting up and examining my work.

"There you happy? Now they'll now. Now they'll know everything." I walked back to my previous spot of the floor and sat down. Tears filled my eyes as I glanced over the written note once more.

_Dear anyone who this concerns,_

_Hey guys. It's Takuya. Do you remember him? Not the Takuya we've been seeing for the past weeks but the old Takuya. Do you remember? The one who played on the soccer team and flirted with all the girls? The one who was always last to bed and last up, swelling with unnatural energy? I hope you remember him, because I'd like to be known as him rather than the sad, pathetic Takuya I've become. If you're reading this, the new Takuya is not as much as a chicken shit as I thought, but I need to say something, for everyone. I am the one. I am the one who caused all this misery. I hurt Izumi. I stabbed her in the back with a knife; I know it sounds bad… it is. Izumi is a true friend, at anytime she could've told her parents that I was the one, but she didn't. She'll never walk again because of me. Thank you Izumi, for being one of the greatest friends I'd ever had. I'm sorry that I hurt you. If I could do it over again, I would never have done it. I love you with all my heart, I will miss you're cooking (no matter how inedible it was). Another recent tragedy befell us. Junpei's death. I must also take the blame for that. I hurt him…I remember minutes before he died…before I killed him, he forgave me. I don't know if I'll ever understand. All I know is Junpei was the most selfless person I've ever met, and my love is always with him too, he's probably up in heaven by now. You're probably wondering why, especially you, Mom and Dad. Don't worry you didn't go wrong, you were the best parents any kid could've asked for, I love you both. This was me. All me. I did this because I loved him. I loved him with all my heart. You know, you were right. I did it to protect you; I did it because I was jealous. Some might look upon it as raging hormones, but I truly do love you. I feel like I've known you before, I couldn't imagine a life without you. Kouji. I love you. I know these reasons don't justify what I did, I did something wrong, something that won't be forgiven. I'm sorry Izumi's parents, I'm sorry to the parents of Junpei. I'd say that I'd say hello to Junpei, but I'm not going to heaven, I'm going to hell. You are the best friends, the best parents, the best life, and I'm throwing it all away. I don't want to hurt anyone else. Sorry. That is all I can say. I know it means nothing. But that's all there is. That, and this. So remember me. Please. Please remember me. _

_Takuya._

Tears stained the paper now as I lay it beside me. This wasn't just a note; this was a goodbye note, a suicide note. Suicide. Was I really doing this? Was this really the right choice, the right thing to do?

_"Enough questioning. If you're going to do it, just do it." _The shard of glass was held delicately in my right hand. I flipped my left palm face up exposing my wrist. I scrutinized it for a moment. There would be a lot of blood.

"Blood your parents are going to have to clean up, while thinking about you doing just this" I shuddered, but now was not the time to go back; it was now, or never. I tightened the grip of the shard causing my hand to bleed.

"It's this, or living each day like a zombie Takuya, this or feeling nothing nothing at all" I was shaking. This was it then. The end. No more. I'll never see my parents again; I'll never see this house, never see sun. I'll never even see my beautiful Kouji again. I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye one last time.

"Suck it up. It's for them isn't' it? So just do it!" Another sob escaped my lips as I pushed the shard into the exposed skin on my left wrist. A word trembled on my lips and came out as a feather light whisper at first contact. The last word I'd ever say.

"Sorry"

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**AN**: Yeah, I know. So as I see it, I can end the story with the next chapter … or… well you never know.

So if you want to find out what comes next . you better review ... I think I want seven before I post the next chapter . Bwha , I'm so evil.


	9. The end

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Digimon or any of the characters. I also do not own the song Graduation… and I think that's it.

**AN:** and I'm back! You know you haven't updated in forever when … fanfiction isn't even on your url list anymore! Okay well I'm SORRY this took forever but …well I have no excuses so just read on!

**Warnings:** Yaoi, Incest ( or should I say twincest ), violence…

**_Chapter 9_**

**_The End_**

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Kouji smiled lightly. He had grown in those past two years. His sleek black hair was pulled into a ponytail. His suit pressed and smooth. He smiled, though the smile didn't totally reach his eyes. He still missed him. His beautiful 'Kuya, the way he smiled, the way he…

"Stop it. He's gone. He never really cared. Ever." Kouji let out a nervous giggle. He was doing the right thing. Wasn't he? Someone placed a hand on Kouji's shoulder causing him to jump up.

"Whoa, settle down there. It'll be okay"

_"NO NO IT WON'T"_ Kouji's head screamed out. "I know. I just feel kind of bad, aren't we deceiving Izumi?"

"It's the only way…"

"_No it isn't, this isn't right. NO"_

"…we can be together without them stopping us"

"_NO MAKE HIM STOP, no, no, no, no, no, NO!"_

"Of course" I had learned to ignore the voices in my head, the voices that told me that this wasn't right, that something had been wrong the day he died…

"_Kouji sit down" Kouichi pulled up a chair and sat across from Kouji. "Something…happened" Kouji knew something was wrong, the day after the funeral he was told to stay in his room. Kouji was pretty sure he already knew. Takuya didn't call. Takuya always called. _

_"Something…happened to…Takuya" Kouji knew. He felt it inside. It felt like something in him died, something was missing. He felt incomplete._

_"Wha…?" he managed to choke out. He didn't know if he wanted to know. He would have much preferred living in this little dream world where everything was perfect. _

_"Mom and dad sent me because…well they think I have a better connection…but Kouji… Takuya's dead." _Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead, Takuya's dead.

_"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kouji let out an anguished howl before sinking to the floor. Curled up, consumed by his own sobbing. There was no way. He just couldn't believe. Kouichi came down beside him and put a hand on his back._

_"He left a note" Kouichi whispered softly into his ear. Kouji snivelled. There had to be a reason. "…you know. Never mind. It doesn't matter" Kouichi made to stand up but Kouji grabbed his collar. _

_"No …what…what…di…did…it…s…ay!" _

_"Kouji…" his face was full of regret. Kouichi was a good actor. "He killed himself. In the letter he talks about many things, his family…but more importantly he talks about Izumi, Junpei…and you, Kouji" Kouji knew these things would be included. He nodded._

_"But…what he says you're probably not expecting……Kouji, he says that he did it all on purpose" Kouji gave him a quizzical look. "In the letter he says, that he just wanted to hurt you, after you rejected him he wanted revenge, he wanted to hurt you. That's all he wanted. He had seen that you liked Izumi, so he had to get rid of her. And then Junpei, you cared for him, trusted him. He wanted to cut down anything you had faith in. He just wanted to hurt you Kouji. He never loved you. Never." Kouji stared numbly at the wall, as Kouichi came and cradled him. _

_"I love you though." _

My whole world had gone crashing down that day. I remember staring numbly at the wall in my room, for hours, days, weeks, months. After a while I started going back to school, though I didn't process anything I was hearing. I didn't want to believe what happened, though I had too. Kouichi swore it was the truth. My parents, they tried to talk about it at first…but I didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to curl up and die. Kouichi said that Takuya was trying to find ways to make me suffer. While he had. Takuya had found a way to make me completely miserable. For whilst he didn't love me…I truly had loved him, and it killed me when he was gone. Izumi came back the day after he died, well actually the night he died. She came to pay last respects to Junpei, but ended up having to pay last respects to Takuya too. She always tried talking to me about Takuya too. But I didn't listen. I blocked everything out, everything that had to do with Takuya. He had hurt me enough. I didn't need to be haunted by him from beyond the grave. My grades dropped, I lost friends, and I lost everyone. Except Kouichi, Kouichi eventually brought me out. He told me he loved me. I hadn't thought much of it, until one day he crushed his lips against mine. He made me keep a secret. We got more and more involved. Though I had no process of what was happening, until months later, it had been too long to try and stop it. Kouichi thought I loved him too. He made me go out with Izumi in a ploy to cover us up. He told me that if people found out that we, twin brothers, were together they would stop us, they would tear us apart. Even though I didn't want to be with Kouichi, I didn't want to be apart from him either. He was the only anchor that kept me alive. My grades came back, so did my friends and everything else. On the outside I was fine… but when I was alone the truth came back. Everything in my world was crashing around me, but I tried to look happy. I tried every single day to smile, so if ever Takuya looked down at me, he'd think he screwed up. I think though, I was fooling no one but myself.

"So just go to prom. Accept whatever, foolish trivial things. I'll be there too of course. Just smile and wave, give Izumi the odd kiss. Then when it's over… we attend the after party. Announce we're leaving for college, yada yada yada then leave. …Then once and for all it can be just us." He was whispering in my ear and gave it a little nibble. "Kouji…I love you…and when you get home we'll try that thing I was talking…"

"Kouji? Kouichi! You almost ready!" Kouichi let out a sigh. 

"Yes mother!"

"Than come down and get your pictures taken!"

"Aw mom!" he looked at me than grabbed my hand "let's do this to make her happy." We walked down the stairs. Mom and dad were there; they always insisted on pictures, it was a rare occasion that I went to dances now a days. It was even a struggle to get me to go to our commencement ceremony. Yeah, this was the end of high school and I didn't even want to go to the end of the year dance, I just wanted it to be over with, to forget this hell called high school ever happened. Maybe start over and forget the horrors that are my past. We smiled for the cameras, a brotherly smile. If you just glanced at the picture my smile looked just like his, of course we were identical twins, but if you stared at the picture, just looked deeper you'd see that my smile was just on the outside. You'd start seeing how fake it was. Though no one ever did, I wasn't the only one who wanted things to be normal again. People got tired of hearing about the 'incident'. That's what a lot of the people in our neighbourhood called it; they just got tired of the tragedy and eventually tried to forget about it. In the car on the way to the dance I was silent as the rest of my family chattered easily, I let my mind wander. It wasn't the smartest of ideas. We passed the old park where we used to play. I instantly began thinking of Takuya.

"_Kouji! Come on up! You can see EVERYTHING!" the small boy laughed. He looked down to his friend. His black head was bent down. He was cowering._

_"Come on Kouji! It's not that scary! I promise you won't fall!" Kouji looked up. Takuya was putting his hand on his heart and the other in the air, balancing on the branch. "Scouts honour!"_

_"But… but Takuya…you know I'm afraid of heights" Kouji looked up into Takuya's muddy brown eyes, and Takuya looked down into Kouji's deep blue ones. Kouji let out a deep breath. "You BETTER NOT let me fall Takuya!" Takuya beamed as Kouji grabbed onto one of the branches._

_"Okay now pull yourself up! Use that muscle!" Takuya laughed as Kouji struggled to pull himself up. "Good, now just…"_

_"Ahh!" Kouji stumbled while reaching up for the next branch. He braced himself for the fall. The crunch of bone. The sickening thud. The pain…but it never came. He felt someone grasping his hand tightly._

_"K…kuya?" he looked up. Takuya had a firm grasp on his hand, and slowly Kouji made his way to the top._

_"Phew." Kouji gasped. "I thought for a second I was a goner" Takuya gave Kouji a sarcastic look._

_"I TOLD you I wouldn't let you fall!" He gazed into Kouji's eyes before looking away. "Wow! Look at that sunset!" Kouji looked away as the sky was alight with pinks, purples, oranges, reds, and yellows._

_"That's amazing!" _

_"Yea" _

_"Hey Takuya?"_

_"Yea?"_

_"Promise me something okay?"_

_"Hhm?"_

_"That no matter what…you won't leave me. You won't let me fall." Takuya glanced over to Kouji. They were both so young but Takuya understood the promise he was making when he shook Kouji's hand._

_"Promise"_

"Kouji! Kouji, we're here?" 

"What!" I jumped up startled. Kouichi was shaking me. "Where…where are we?"

"At the school. You just sort of spaced out. Are you sure you're feeling okay Kouji?" mom looked on with concerned eyes. Kouichi looked on with ones that anyone would look on as concern, but I saw the anger just beneath the surface. He knew what I was thinking of even before I reached up to wipe the tears threatening to spill over my eyelids. 

"Yeah mom. Thanks." I stepped out of the car. A quick kiss with mom and dad, and they were driving off. 

"Kouji. What was that back there?" I turned slowly to face him, but he wasn't looking at me, he was looking ahead. He had a cold icy glaze on his face.

"It was nothing" I began to walk forward, but he grabbed my arm and forced me to face him. "Kouichi!" 

"It better have been nothing" With that he pushed me away and walked into the entrance. I let out a sigh and followed. I was dormant. I didn't want to start anything. I just wanted to go through this life as quickly as possible. 

We were admitted into the dance. I hate dances. I always have and I always will. You can quote me on it. I made my way through the sweaty bodies. I hated them. I hated people coming close to me, rubbing the sweat onto me. The odour was probably the worst though. Also there were the random girls that always asked you to dance. Oh great, another chance to rub your sweaty bodies together. Then there was the music. The awful music they play that resounds in your ears for days after. It was always some song that made no sense just a random techno beat or some wannabe rap star. They never play anything good. The heat is horrible to. You're sweating like a pig even before you start dancing. Then there's the food. It's probably better if you don't have food at a dance. The food is usually pizza. Greasy pizza that the cafeteria lady more than likely found on the floor. In total…dances suck. You see? I had to do this. I had to take something little and expand, make a mountain out of a molehill. If I lost focus for too long. If I let my mind wander…

"Kouji, Kouji! Kouji you came!" Izumi wheeled forward. The sight shocked me. I knew she couldn't walk. I knew. This was one of the reasons I didn't like being around Izumi. Every time I saw her I thought of him. He did this. He did this to hurt me. Takuya…

_"First high school dance! Woo!"_

_"Do I have to go?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"But…"_

_"You are going to go and we are going to dance and you are going to have fun!"_

_"…no"_

_"Come on! I'm going so of course you'll have a WONDERFUL time!" Kouji looked at Takuya sarcastically. They both burst out laughing._

"Kouji?"

"Wha!" my thought burst like a bubble.

"You okay?"

"Yea…I'm fine."

"You sure? You just totally spaced."

"I'm fine." She looked up at me. I looked away. It was like she knew something I didn't.

"Why do I even come to these things… it's not like I CAN dance." I whipped my head toward her. Izumi's voice was full of hate. She was never ever like this. I was the one wishing life would end; she was the one doing her best to live it.

"Izumi? We can leave if you want?" My voice filled with sympathy. I hated dances because they were stupid. She hated them for a totally different reason; it made my reason sound immature.

"No." she let out a sigh "I'm not going to ruin anyone's night by leaving."

"Seriously we can g…"

"No. We're staying. We're going to have a good time!" she laughed. Little did she know I was the one who wanted to leave.

"Ladies and gentlemen… or should I say Para's and Lady Para's!" The school council president had walked on stage. A roar emitted from the crowd as everyone cheered for the school mascot. Honestly, I never figured out what it was. "Let me hear you make some noise!" Personally, I thought they were making more than enough noise but they got louder. "So everyone! Are you ready for your prom king and queen!" more screaming. 

"YEA!" Izumi was into it. She was excited just like everyone else. 

"You guys voted for them…so you're going to get them!" more cheering, I thought my head was going to pop off. "Let me hear you scream! Cheer! Let's get pumped up! Okay, now we're going to have a review of our year! So everyone, eyes to the slide" Every year there is a slide they play at commencement showing the parents the best of the school, and then at the dance the graduating student council got to make their own slide that maybe showed the… not so approved parts of our school day. 

They started playing graduation. Man I hated that song. A lot of girls broke out into tears, these were the people they grown up with. The people who they had shared their laughter with and, their tears with. They had spent four years of their short lives with them. Though to me high school didn't matter, after this nothing would matter. I wouldn't matter If you were popular or not. None of it matters. Once you're out of high school that's it, you're back at the bottom. I was so consumed in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed the change of tempo of the music, or the fact that now everyone was silent. I moved my eyes to the screen to see Izumi's smiling face staring back.

"This has been a … challenging year. There have been many things our student body has had to face. Izumi was one of them. Izumi was an active member in our school. She was on the volleyball team and participated in all aspects in our school. She was brutally attacked and lost all function in her lower body…many would've given up after such a tragedy. Some would have gone to extreme measures…but Izumi kept trying. She was determined that this would not change her goals, her expectations or her life. She is a shining example to us all, a true beacon of hope, perseverance and faith. Izumi's here with us right now so let's give it up for her!" Everyone started clapping as a spotlight illuminated Izumi's glowing face. A couple tears made their way down her face; even though she was smiling I could see the hurt in her eyes. Even though Izumi looked happy I knew she was putting on an act every single day much like myself. I shuffled out of the light. This was her moment; no one could take this from her. The music started playing again as the spotlight faded; a new image replaced the screen. Junpei's face. He was smiling, the smile I had known almost all my life, the smile I had loved and wished I could see again, if only for a while. More pictures of Junpei were put on the screen, some he was making funny faces in, others he was serious. I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes threatening to spill over. 

"Junpei was everyone's best friend; he was always there when you needed him, no matter what the problem. Everyone loved seeing his shining face." There was a pause "Junpei will be missed by everyone and there isn't a day that goes by that a lot of you don't think of him, but don't give up, he wouldn't want you moping. In honour of Junpei the school has founded the Junpei award. It is an award that is given to a student that helps out in anyway they can, a student that is a real friend. We may never find another Junpei, but we can hope that we will find other students willing to share his love of life." People clapped. I wanted to know why they were clapping. I wanted to shout. Scream, throw a fit. What was wrong with these people! Junpei was gone. Never ever coming back and these people were what… clapping! I looked down to my hands and found that for some reason… they were clapping too. Slowly the clapping faded and Junpei's face was replaced by another's… Takuya's. Takuya was smiling. Smiling…It showed pictures of him with his soccer team and then a big picture of him smiling. It must've been a while ago. He looked so happy. Smiling…

"Now this story…" he paused. He didn't seem to know what to say, he was searching for words to make it sound better than it was. "Takuya was quite involved with the school. Athletic star, friend to everyone." One by one tears began falling from my eyes. "He… he was quite the young man…" The president looked uncertain, he knew what he wanted to say but didn't know if it was the right thing to say. Tears were steadily falling from my eyes now. I didn't want anyone to make excuses for him! He did what he did and no one should have to lie about it. I wanted to scream again. I was so sick and tired of everyone not talking about it. About everyone whispering in the halls instead of just openly talking about it. So what! He killed himself! So what he ruined my life and everyone's around it? I wanted everyone to stop making excuses. All the pent up anger and rage inside me was bubbling over. My head felt like it was about to explode "SAY IT! JUST SAY IT!" I wanted him to tell everyone that Takuya killed himself to hurt me, but my voice was gone.

"Takuya… Takuya he…" I blocked it out; I had gotten good at that. Blocking the world out. I waited to see the heads turn toward me, the gasps of shock, and the quite mummers. I felt like I might faint. I wanted to move, I wanted to run away but I couldn't. Suddenly I felt a hand on my arm. It was Izumi. She had tears running down her face.

"He loved you. He did. Even though he hurt me and…and…Junpei he did it for you. Ya, it was wrong…but he never meant any harm, no one should be making up excuses for him, let alone me of all people, but he just didn't understand. No matter what they say he loved you and only did what he did so he wouldn't hurt anyone again." My face popped into one of shock. Her face turned into one of confusion. What was she saying? "Didn't you read the note he left?" Both of our faces were red from tears, our eyes full of confusion.

"…but…" I coughed trying to find my voice "but Takuya did everything to hurt me? To cause me pain…because I wouldn't…" I watched as Izumi's confusion turned to anger.

"He NEVER did that! What he did was wrong…I'm not saying it wasn't…but Kouji…who told you that?"

"Ko…" A hand grabbed my shoulder and started pulling me away toward the exit. I was shoved into the cool night air. Kouichi turned to face me his face bright red with anger. 

"Whatever they've said. Lies. All of it lies." I regarded him wearily. I was so sick of this. I wanted to know what was real. I wanted to know the truth.

"I've had enough of lies"

"Let's go home Kouji say you were upset by the Takuya thing and let's go home" his face was full of concern. Concern that didn't even make sense to me anymore.

"What's the truth Kouichi?" I whispered. I was looking at the ground, almost afraid to make eye contact. 

"Pardon Kouji?" his voice was calm, but I knew him too well. I could hear the suppressed anger.

"What… what really happened?"

"I've told you"

"That's not the truth though is it?"

"Kouji…" I was bubbling inside. I don't know what gave me this courage. This unknown strength that made me say these things.

"No. I won't do this anymore" he was beside me in a second. He grasped my arm. His nails dug into my skin. His eyes were pools of ice, threatening to freeze anything in sight. "Kouichi, you're hurting me!" He pulled me close.

"Don't ever even think of him again. He hurt you. Stop wasting your time on him. He hated you. Now you hate him. He is dead. Gone forever. Poof. Forget about him. He was against you. He never loved you. He is dead." He pushed me away and began walking toward the sidewalk, expecting me to follow. But I couldn't. All my life I had been lied to, it was going to stop here. I whimpered holding my arm.

"No Kouichi." My voice was barely over a whisper but he heard it. He whipped around.

"Didn't we JUST go over this?" His face glowed with something other than anger. There was a rage in his eyes, a rage that seemed unbeatable... uncontrollable.

"No." I stood my ground. I was tired. I really was. Just tired, tired of the lies. Tired of believing something that isn't real. All I wanted was the truth, something that always seemed just out of reach. But that's all I wanted. Truth. It's such a funny word. A little tiny word that means so much. "What really happened?"

"I told you."

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" my voice cracked. I didn't know where this was coming from. I was breathing heavily, as everything started to move in slow motion. I saw the shock on Kouichi's face from my outburst slowly turn back into a furious rage. He came toward me; I saw the look of hatred in his eyes before he slugged me. Then he stood there breathing heavily. It took me a second to register the pain. I put my hand to my face. When I brought it back I looked at it. What was all this red stuff? Something clicked. My hand was stained with blood. I felt it drip slowly down my lips and watched it hit the pavement. Then I screamed. I shrieked and howled in pain. He broke my nose. He started ushering me along to the back of the school. I was aware of nothing except the hot pain. He pushed into a back alley.

"YOU BROKE MY FREAKING NOSE!" 

"Be quiet." His voice was the epitome of anger. I had never heard anyone this angry. Things started to blur as tears filled my eyes. I started heaving with sobs, the pain was almost unbearable. "You want…the truth?" he whispered dangerously. "The whole truth. Here it is." 

_"so the truth … … at long last … …"_

I howled and shrieked. Where was someone? I was in pain. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I can hardly remember things that he said; the pain was too great to remember it all. Some I blocked out, too painful to hear. I just knew it was bad, worse than anything I could've imagined. Now though, I just wanted to die. I can hardly remember. I think Kouichi hit me again because I wouldn't, I couldn't stop crying. All I knew was the pain of my nose and my heart being broken again in the same hour. Everyone that I ever trusted. Everyone. They had all betrayed me in one way. My spirit was broken.

I still can't recall what happened, even while I sit in this hospital bed. I heard the doctors occasionally speak, apparently my nose and left rib is broken, and they also whisper that I am mentally unstable. What would they know? I tried to tell them what really happened, but all that came out of my mouth was a jumble. I couldn't get my body to correspond with what I was telling it to do in my head. Kouichi told them that he had come out for some fresh air when he saw me being beat up by two guys from a rival school; he said he chased them off and came to help me. Unfortunately, he also said, he didn't get a look at who the guys were or what school they were from. Kouichi, my so called brother, sat beside me now, my mom and my dad were also there. Kouichi looked at me, I looked right back, being unable to speak I tried to focus all the anger and the hatred to my eyes. He looked shocked for a second, then put his head down and grabbed my hand.

"Mom, Dad can I have some time alone with Kouji? You know so…."

"Of course dear" they left the room quietly whispering. The door, my last lifeline, my last chance, closed with a loud click. Kouichi kept his head down holding my hand. I wanted him too let go. He was holding too tight. It was like he was trying to squeeze the life out of me. Suddenly, his head shot up. His face was clouded in darkness, his eyes focused on some faraway place.

"I didn't want to do that Kouji. Believe me, I didn't but I couldn't let you make stupid choices. I couldn't let you do that to everything I've worked to achieve." I wanted to snatch my hand back, I wanted to tell him to go away but I couldn't make the motions in my head correspond with my body. I started panicking. His eyes moved to me. "I'll be okay. I know you'll never say anything." He gave me a lopsided grin, and letting go of my hand began walking away. Something in me clicked, sensing this last chance.

"I…I … won't." It killed me to speak; my voice was raspy, probably from all the screaming that I did last night. It hurt so badly, but I wasn't going to give up.

"What?" he stopped by the door. Tilting his head a bit.

"I won't… I won't just… just forget" I took a deep breath and swallowed. I tasted blood. "I know now… that Takuya died for love. If I could do it again I'm save him. I'd take my …own…life…so…he…could…live" it was becoming more and more difficult for me to speak. "And…and now…I know…your…secret too. Your…secret…is…worse…than…his. I know it…Kouichi. No one … else …does" I took a deep breathe. "I could destroy you" He didn't answer; I saw his back start heaving. All I could taste was blood, my head felt like it was going to break in two but I had to finish. "I don't love you. I never have, and I never will. I love Takuya and that will NEVER change." I laid there gasping for breathe, as he walked slowly over to me. His face was oddly calm. 

"You're right Kouji. You know my secret. You know…the truth. You COULD destroy me, but the problem with that is… you are mine. If you ever say anything, I will kill you, I will…" he paused. "No, I won't kill you. I love you too much to kill you; I will hurt everyone around you. I will break EVERYTHING you love. I will kill anyone who comes near you." I was stunned, my lip trembled and tears started falling down my face. Kouichi wiped one away. "Don't cry love. We'll be together forever, no more of this foolish lying." He stroked my hair "I love you Kouji and you love me, and we'll live happily ever after." He went close to me and whispered in my hair "you are mine" He then straightened and walked out of the room. Tears fell down my eyes. My life was truly crumbling around me. I had nothing more to live for. I didn't want to feel, I didn't want to hurt anymore. I would await my death. I sit here in my hospital bed. That's it. There's nothing left. No more.

The end.


End file.
